Beginning with the End in Mind, Part 2

In February, I wrote about beginning with the end in mind in relation to lesson planning and curriculum design.  Today’s post will take a different spin on the same concept.  I’ve just spent five days in Billings, Montana, celebrating the life of my aunt, Sister Kathleen Hanley.

Funerals and Celebrations of Life afford us the opportunity to reconnect with loved ones as we remember those who have gone before us.  The death of a loved one reminds us of just how valuable time with those we hold dear is, as well as just how valuable this short life we’ve been granted is.  The unexpected passing of Kathleen has done just that.

I wrote about Kathleen recently, and am compelled to repeat what I previously penned:  to be with Kathleen was to be at peace.  Kathleen exuded love.  She dedicated her life to the service of others.  As we shared memories this past week, a common theme arose:  we were all convinced that we were her favorite.  One story after another:  “Kathleen always made me feel special.  She always asked about my family, how are we all doing.  I always knew she like me the best.”

This time spent celebrating Kathleen’s life has caused me to reflect and ask, “Do I make others feel that way?  Even just a little bit???”  A kind word, an expression of gratitude, lending a helping hand… they cost nothing and are so very easy to do.  Putting others before self makes for a fulfilled life.  At the same time that we lift others, we are lifting ourselves, contributing to a healthier self.  And speaking of that healthier self, a self focused on gratitude makes for a better life.  We have a choice; I choose gratitude.  And in choosing gratitude, I choose to lift others.  Easy to do, because good exists in all people.  It’s easy to see when we start looking and noticing the good in others.

In addition to spending time with loved ones from afar, the last week has been an opportunity to spend time with my nuclear family:  my parents and my three siblings.  We continue to be amazed at how lucky we are to be healthy, connected, and loved.  I can’t remember the last time the six of us slept under the same roof; we were able to do that this past week in Billings for four nights.  It was time that I will treasure forever.  We are truly blessed.

In conversations with my siblings the last few days, we’ve reflected quite a bit about the legacy a person might leave behind.   We all agree:  we want to leave a legacy like that of Kathleen.  We want to be remembered not for our things or for our accomplishments, but for how we made others feel.   If we live each day beginning with the end in mind (end of the day, week, month, year…life), we are setting ourselves up to live out the legacy we desire.  I suppose it sounds a bit morbid, but I wonder if visualizing your own funeral and thinking about what others would have to say about you might be a practice that would help keep our eye on the prize:  having lived a life of integrity, service to others, and one filled with love.

Thank you to my sister, Katie, for reminding me of this quote, which sums this post up rather nicely:  “We aren’t the things we collect, acquire, read.  We, are, for as long as we are here, only love. The things we loved. The people we loved. And these, I think these really do live on. ” ~A.J. Fikry, THE STORIED LIFE OF A.J. FIKREY, by Gabrielle Zevin.

*As I’ve pecked away at this post over the last several days, I’ve been frustrated that my words aren’t capturing the emotions and message that I’m trying to convey.  I shared this frustration with my sisters on our last run in Billings yesterday morning.  Later in the morning, I opened an email from George Couros, who must have been reading my mind.  Thanks, George, for the reminder about the importance of writing anyway:

“But one day, with the encouragement of others, I started blogging and sharing my thoughts with the world.  I have many mistakes and grammatical errors, but doors opened for me that I would never have if I let the fear of those mistakes {or fear of not expressing myself the way I want} hold me back indefinitely.  I never thought my ideas were better than anyone else’s, and honestly, I still don’t.  I just wanted to share my learning with the world, which includes spelling errors and grammatical mistakes. 

And maybe today, because of what I am sharing, this is the day you think, “I am going to share my thoughts with the world. ” Whether that is through a blog, YouTube channel, podcast, or another medium, your learning can inspire others.

If that happens with anyone reading this right now, it will show how sharing our own mistakes might inspire someone to take a leap and focus on their own progress instead of an impossible goal of perfection.”  George Couros, Something Personal, Professional, and Profound, (Email #59), April 17, 2021