Ready for a Break

It is not a novel idea for educators to talk about needing/wanting a break at this time of the school year.  I’m there.  I’m ready for a break.  And it’s been a long time since I’ve said that… and even since I’ve felt it.

As we look at one more day of school – we get to come back on Tuesday after Memorial Day thanks to some snow days this past winter! – I find myself more ready than ever for this school year to end.  It was a tough one, but I’ve had tougher.  It was a good one, but I’ve had better.  I’m just ready for a break.  And I’m trying to fight off the self-imposed guilt that comes with that readiness.

The thought I’m wrestling with and am hoping to work out through this writing is this:  if I’m not working, I’m not worthy.  My identity (in my head) comes from my work.  I’m passionate about the work of ensuring high levels of learning for all of our students, especially in the area of literacy.  I’m convinced that we should be producers, rather than just consumers.  As I wrote in April, “… I am surrounded by colleagues who are equally as driven by work.  I choose to surround myself with such people.  I come from such people.  I’m married to such people.  I’ve raised three such people.”

Speaking of those three people, I worry that Bill and I have placed a heavier emphasis on working hard over an emphasis on being good people.  Not that I think our boys aren’t good people, but I don’t want them wrestling with their own worthiness if they take breaks.  Probably not an issue – as I write this, two of the three are still in bed… and it’s 10:30 in the morning!  I’ve written about our dinner time routine before:  when we sit down together for a meal… which only happens about once a week these days… I always pose the question, “What was the best part of your day?”  I don’t mind the question, but as we share, we inevitably talk about what we accomplished.  I wish I had added the question (and I still can):  “How did you make someone else’s day better today?”

As I look forward to the official start of summer vacation on Tuesday afternoon, I hope to be OK with those moments or even days this summer when I don’t accomplish much more than making someone else’s day better.  I hope I can enjoy the trips we have planned as much as the sitting on the patio and enjoying our home.  I have a stack of professional learning books that I can’t wait to dig into this summer.  I’m ready for that kind of work, where I get to soak it all in, where I am the learner, rather than the kind of work where I am responsible for the learning of others.  I’ll get back to my fervor for teaching, but for now, I’m ready for a break.