We were able to celebrate my mom’s life yesterday, surrounded by family and friends, and with an outpouring of support from our community. My Dad, my siblings and I, and all 13 grandchildren were dressed in Mom’s denim shirts, Corner Tap t-shirts and sweatshirts, and our jeans. Mom would have been proud.
She would have approved of the simple visitation (but probably not the 9:00 a.m. start time!), the luncheon at the Legion Hall, and especially of the gathering at her beloved Corner Tap, where the celebration continued from 2:00 p.m. until late last night. We will be forever grateful to Chris and Shay, who left their own bar down the street to tend bar for us… all day… and all night long. Community.
I was honored to kick off eulogizing Mom, followed by my brother, uncles, brother-in-law, nephew, cousin, and Dad. Beautiful memories were shared, all with a common theme: Sue Haeger was a genuine, authentic soul who made all who crossed her path feel like they were the most important person in the world. A huge thanks to Wendy and to Brian of Schmitz Funeral Home, for organizing and capturing the celebration:
If ever there was a note-taker, our mom was one. She had lists and notes for everything: beer and liquor orders, grocery lists, daily takes, and once-upon-a time cigarette and lottery tickets orders. Notes from late night phone calls with her Mother, siblings, and other loved ones. Notes about visits from friends and family – all captured on what appeared to be random scraps of paper. She had her system, we’re sure.
We have some notes of our own, Mom. Trying to capture 77 years adequately and succinctly is no easy task, so sit back as I try to do just that.
Sue Haeger was born to Red and Selma Hanley in Lewistown, Montana, the 3rd of 11 children. She was blessed with a childhood spent in Lewistown, her aunt and uncle’s ranch in Winnett, and the Judith Mountains in Maiden, Montana, raising hell with her sisters and brothers – perhaps setting a barn or two on fire. She was the youngest licensed ham radio operator in the state of Montana. She participated in local rodeos as a barrel racer, thanks to the help of Buster Barby, a ranch hand on her aunt and uncle’s ranch.
Sue decided to follow in her older sister Kathleen’s footsteps, traveling to Ottumwa, Iowa after high school to enroll at Ottumwa Heights College. She joined the convent, but that stint didn’t last long as she was kicked out for smoking. She eventually made her way to Mary Crest College, where the cavorting continued.
As fate would have it, she met Dad, a student at St. Ambrose, at the Tip Topper bar in Davenport. She admired a poem he had written on a napkin, and the rest is history, as they say. Mom and Dad were married in Lewistown on August 10, 1968. They settled in West Point, where Dad taught at Marquette High School, and Mom did social work in Keokuk. After a time, they began running Reed’s Pizza, a short-lived gig that resulted in lifetime friendships and a taste for running a business.
In 1983, they purchased the Corner Tap, a business that Mom successfully ran for 40 years. It was her life blood. It was here that Mom continued her social work. As the song, “Jesus and Bartenders” reminds us:
They both know a man in trouble when they see one
And they’re both willing to listen when he talks
Anger and depression, tearful confessions
Jesus and bartenders hear it all
It was at the Corner Tap that all were accepted, many found refuge, a few were kicked out 🙂 and all had many, many good times. Good times. Good spirits. Good, good friends.
It was at the Corner Tap that many were witness to Dad’s daily trip around the bar to give Mom a kiss after returning from a day of work at the Ammunition Plant. It was here that the four Haeger children were treated to pop and candy, and the most important of life’s lessons: Treat all people as you would want to be treated… and perhaps even better than that.
It was at the Corner Tap that we all gathered upon hearing the news of Mom’s cancer diagnosis. It was at the Corner Tap that we continued to gather, and continued to receive amazing support from the Corner Tap family. That bar is much more than just a bar (with all of the negative connotations that are associated with such places of ill repute). It has been a place of fellowship, celebration, comradery, healing, love, and lifelong friendships. It has been a place where tunes from Neil Diamond, Frank Sinatra, Johnny Cash, and the Hymes family blast from the Juke Box.
It was nothing to walk in and see any of the following interactions with Mom: serious conversations where much advice was given, political debates, nightly Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune viewings, hands slammed on the bar in anger and frustration, laughter, and hugs – oh, the hugs. I can’t tell you how many hugs I witnessed: so many people who knew and loved Mom (some people we didn’t even know!). It was just a regular interaction. Mom’s listening ear, no-holds barred remarks, spot-on advice, genuine care, and authenticity-to-the-core, made her endearing to all.
As proprietor of the Corner Tap i.e. “Grandma’s Store,” Mom was a counselor, mentor, confidante, friend, and second mother to many who walk through that tavern door. Mom had a second family in the patrons that have faithfully supported the business.
In the past year and a half, we witnessed further endearing interactions as Mom’s time with caregivers increased. Although I might cringe as she dropped an “F-bomb” in front of them, it was never in anger… just who Mom was. She was always, always, so thankful for the care that she was given at doctor appointments, hospital stays, and in her final days at home. We will be forever grateful to Dr. Mo, Nurse Kelly, and their team at U of I, and to the absolutely amazing Hospice staff – they are angels here on Earth.
Now, Mom didn’t spend all of her time at the Corner Tap. She did enjoy plenty of gravel travel – a water bottle filled with wine – some NPR on the radio – she put some miles on our local gravel roads… often at a whopping speed of 20 mph.
Mom and Dad enjoyed lots of travel beyond those gravel roads in their 55 years together. There were fishing trips to Mark Twain Lake, Coralville Lake and Lake Seguma. There were many, many trips to Chicagoland to visit Dad’s family, and to Montana to visit Mom’s family. There were trips to each coast, and to Gulf Shores Alabama. We were treated to loads of pictures, texts, and updates with each of these trips. Mom was just so darn thankful and appreciative of their good fortune and time together doing what they loved: traveling, fishing, golfing, finding hole-in-the-wall pubs, wine, and oysters on the half-shell… even in Rapid City, South Dakota. Who knew?!
Speaking of Mom’s appreciation for everything: she was the most authentic and appreciative person I know. She took everything in stride… well, almost everything!… with nary a complaint. A common refrain of Mom’s: suck it up – it’s time off in purgatory. Thank you, Father Beckman, for confirming this for Mom while administering her Last Rites. 🙂
Mom wore many hats, beyond proprietor of the Corner Tap. First and foremost, she was Reed Haeger’s wife. Mom and Dad were married for 55 years, and remain the model for what marriage should be. As Katie remarks, “Lovebirds ‘til the end.”
Second, Mom was… well, a mom. The four of us are grateful every day for the model of parenting she has provided. It’s perhaps not the typical model – we did not have a June Cleaver on our hands. We had a mom who was always there for us and encouraged us to be who we are – be authentic. Mom and Dad’s parenting style was rather “hands-off.” One might call it benign neglect. Perhaps that style kinda’ worked?
Third, Mom was a grandmother. Isaac, Rachel, Sarah, Aaron, Nathan, Danny, Jack, Claire, Elton, Owen, Emmett, Liam, Gordon, Quincy, Calvin… and the one on the way – Grandma loved each and every one of you. But I don’t need to tell you that. You know.
Grandma Sue wasn’t the grandma that attended the kids’ concerts and sporting events. Hell, she didn’t attend our concerts and sporting events. But, she was always up for attending a birthday party for them, with the best gift in hand: a box of cereal wrapped in the Sunday comics and a $20 bill – who can beat that??? She loved sitting around a fire with them, with a just-right playlist emanating from someone’s speaker. She might have taught one or two… or 13 of them how to cuss. I believe the Corner Tap will always be “Grandma’s Store” to these kids.
Finally, Mom was a sister and a sister-in-law, and an aunt. She was the oldest of her six remaining siblings. She continued to stay in touch with all of them; they were incredibly important to her, and she to them. There’s nothing better than hearing my aunts, uncles, and cousins tell stories about Mom. The common theme among all stories is how much they admired Mom’s genuine nature, and how much they loved her.
No matter the hat she was wearing, Mom was a jeans-and-t-shirt no frills dresser, who let a fairly frequent “F-bomb” slip through her lips. It doesn’t matter the company she was with: Sue Haeger was Sue Haeger. Authentic to the core. She left all who knew her better than they were before. Soon, we will raise our glasses (or water bottles!) to an amazing woman. Thank you, Mom. Take note: We love you.
What a beautiful tribute to a wonderful woman! Love and hugs.
Megan, thank you for the spot on delivery of the eulogy you penned. Thank you, so much!