Digging, Digging, Digging out of a Rut

via GIFER

I write today from a place of unease, with many contributors to that unease.  2024 has not been an easy year to date, and seems to be on track to be one my toughest ever.  You might say I’m in a bit of a rut, as George Couros named it in Saturday’s weekly email.  His email was titled, “3 Ways to Get out of a Rut,” and I couldn’t read it quickly enough.

Before I jump into his suggestions for getting out of a rut, and some of my own, allow me to list those contributors to my unease (oh, woe is me…):  Mom’s death in January, Dad’s move to an assisted living facility and failing health, the sale of our parents’ business and home, tough conversations, and the struggle that comes with change.

George’s spot-one advice for getting out of a rut:  “1)  If you are struggling with yourself, help others.  2)  Go through the motions until the motions overtake you.  3)  Find some peace in things that brought you joy in the past.”  As always, you nailed it, George.

My go-to’s for digging myself out of a rut:  1) Stick with routines  2)  comparative suffering *Not advised, but I default to it, nonetheless  3)  Lean into those things that bring joy  4)  Embrace gratitude.

Routines

I have found comfort in routines for some time.  A few that I hold near and dear include:  1)  thinking of 5 things that I am thankful for, while taking 5 deep breaths, before I get out of bed each morning 2) engaging in early morning exercise 3) eating a large breakfast 4) listening to NPR 5) listening to books on the drive to and from work 6) intentionally telling at least 3 people why/how I appreciate them, daily  7) cooking supper 8) reading before bed.  I count a day as “successful” if I’ve been able to engage in each routine.

My downfall with routines:  I often struggle with unease if my daily routine is interrupted.  This includes the disruption in routine that occurs with going on vacation – I may not always truly enjoy a vacation because it is such a break in routine.  Ridiculous, I know.  I’m working on it.

This weekend brings the end to our school’s spring break:  we had an entire week off from school.  Did I enjoy it?  Yes.  Did it come with its own host of struggles?  Yes.  Was one of those struggles a break from routine?  Yes.  I’m working on it.  Did I take the advice given by an administrator in an email right before break?  No, but I sure appreciate his words, and know that he meant them:  “Please take time to completely forget about school and have a rejuvenating week off…  Nothing would make me happier than you DON’T get this email until Monday the 18th because you turned everything off!”

Comparative Suffering

I find great comfort in comparing my own struggles to that of others, specifically to others’ struggles that are much worse than mine.  Yes, 2024 has been tough, but there are people who have it MUCH worse than me.  Easy go-to’s for this comparison include people living in the Middle East and in Ukraine.  Seriously, how could I even think that I have things to complain about???

The downfall with comparative suffering:  it’s unhealthy.  It pushes one to ignore or tamp down their own feelings.  I remember listening to advice about this from the one and only Brené Brown on her Unlocking Us podcast.  The following comes from her March 27, 2020 episode (remember that period of time, just 4 years ago???):  “The emotions that you’re feeling, that we feel, when we deny them double down, they burrow, they fester, they metastasize. And not only do our feelings double down and grow, they invite shame over for the party. Because now, we’re like, ‘I am a bad person, because I’m sad or scared or lonely, or frustrated or disappointed or pissed off. And other people have it so much worse than me.’ It’s really dangerous, and let’s break down why this is dangerous…”

It’s worth taking a listen… even (or especially!) 4 years later.  Brené is always worth a listen.

Lean in to Those Things that Bring Joy…which completely overlaps with Embracing Gratitude

Here, I can’t help but switch to list mode.  There are many, many, many things that bring me joy and for which I am grateful.  The first five on my list are my “top five values,” which I identified several years ago by going through a “finding your core values” exercise, much like the one described on Soul Salt’s website.  A reminder of these values has been hanging out on my laptop for 4 – 5 years.  4 or 5 years later, my core values haven’t changed:

In addition to those values, I find much joy and gratitude in all of the following (and so much more!):

The downfall with listing those things that bring me joy:  there are so many more, and a list makes it appear that I have ranked them in importance.  I have not.  They just simply bring me joy and fill me with gratitude.

I was asked recently, in a tough conversation (thank you, Deb!), to explain the purpose of one of my posts.  My answer was the same as it is for all posts:

  1.  Document my learning journey as a teacher, coach, and student
  2.  Improve my writing craft through reflection
  3.  Act as a producer rather than a consumer
  4.  Push my thinking
  5.  Connect with others
I went on to say “This has been a tough school year, and an especially tough couple of weeks [months].  Through writing, I try to process the errors I make, the lessons I learn, and the steps I want to take to make my impact more meaningful.  I have to constantly remind myself, ‘You don’t have to be bad to get better.’  In other words, this blog is a form of therapy.  I would add something that George Couros often says in his writing:  “Hopefully, from my sharing, I can help someone else.”
As I try to dig my way out of this rut, I will do my best to do as I’ve described above, and to lean on one of many favorite quotes:

 

One Comment

  1. Debra Ridgway

    Megan

    Please don’t compare yourself with others you think or know may be worse off than you. Here is why. .

    Your struggles are real and they are yours. Embrace them and use them to better yourself and others around you. What we each go through is what we go through and what is something that is tough for me, may not be tough for you.

    I truly believe we go through these seasons for a reason, sometimes we see it through and understand the why and sometimes we just get through. Keep your head up!!! You truly are a gem.

    I miss you coming into my room working with me. I felt like you were a great sounding board that helped me better my teaching. We are all overwhelmed now. I miss those days and weeks that but we will get through these seasons. Here is a hug from me, I can’t let you finish reading this without that.

    PS. I really think someone needs to come up with some better anti-spam words LOL

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