Where You Place Your Eyes

There’s nothing better than spending time with people who make you feel good about life.  You know the type:  they are always smiling, they make you feel like you’re the most important person in the world, and they have a way of talking about others that shines a light on everybody.  These folks have it figured out:  where you place your eyes is what you will always see.

I am lucky enough to receive nearly daily texts from one such person.  My dear friend, Kate, sends the just-right words at the just-right time.  What a way to start the day!

In addition, I have been fortunate this school year to benefit from regularly scheduled time with people who place their eyes on opportunities for growth and improvement.  I’ve mentioned before that I get to end each week in a meeting with an administrator who always leaves me reflecting on my professional practice.  His questions make me want to grow as a professional.    He poses questions that make me reflect on my practice, not on my value.  There is a big difference.

All of which reminds me of a recent quote in a weekly email from Eric Barker (I highly recommend subscribing!):

When we place our eyes on all that is wrong… and there is plenty of “wrong” to go around… we can easily slip into a negative mindset.  We can even inadvertently place a negative tone on our past school year as the school year winds down.  Many educators engage in the “End of the Year Countdown” practice, which I challenged in my May 2021 blogpost:  Rethinking the End of the Year Countdown.

Our district is on the brink of big change, in a physical sense… and in other senses.  At the start of the 2024-25 school year, we will move from a four-building district to a two-building district.  This move will bring about significant changes for everyone.

Which brings me to another regularly scheduled time I’ve had each week with people who place their eyes on opportunities for growth and improvement.  I’ve had the great privilege of working in a coaching/mentor relationship with Sean (mentor teacher) and Mitch (mentee teacher – new to the profession).  Our trio has worked together all year to support Mitch as he launches his teaching career.  I have left every one of our weekly meetings a better educator because of these two.

Sean embraces the idea of improving.  He doesn’t think he’s a bad teacher; he simply recognizes that each of us can get better.  And when we get better, our students benefit.  Mitch is fairly new to teaching and has remained open to every idea that Sean and I suggest.  At the same time, he offers many new and fresh ideas.

As we look at all of the changes the 24-25 school year will bring, Sean has chosen to focus on the positive changes that will come out of the move.  He recognizes that this is an opportunity for a “reset,” which may be just what our staff and students need.

Sean and Mitch exemplify the idea of looking for solutions rather than for problems.  This is not to say that they ignore problems, rather that they recognize them for what they are, and work to do what is in their power to solve them.  They do not look to others to solve problems for them, but rather to solve problems with them.

It is inevitable that we will interact with difficult people, those who place their eyes on the negative, and in turn whose words and actions tend to hang out on the negative side.  We don’t always have a choice in who we interact with, but we do get to choose our responses.

Our own daily habits can place us in a position to choose our responses wisely, to maintain a positive mindset, despite negative influences.  Tina Boogren, author and Solution Tree Associate, suggests starting the day with a powerful question:  “How do I want to feel today?”  Our brain listens to what we tell it.

I’ve had low energy lately; Boogren’s advice in her final episode of Season 4 has me reflecting on this low energy.  How much of this low energy has to do with what I am telling myself?  I’ve caught myself thinking some of the following in the last few months:  “I am so tired – I don’t feel like finishing my run this morning – I’ll feel better once I’ve had a nap – I’m just too tired to finish this task.”

In an effort to minimize or eradicate this feeling of low energy, I’ve added to my daily habit of taking 5 deep breaths while thinking 5 things I’m grateful for.  I have now added the question:  “How do I want to feel today?”  And I keep thinking about Boogren‘s words:

“And, so sometimes whether we’re aware of it or not, we give our brain an assignment. You know, sometimes we have those mornings where we wake up and just on our own, just kind of think, Oh my gosh, today is going to be an amazing day. It is Friday. I feel good. We’ve got things look forward to this weekend. And so, what your brain hears is assignment: good day. And, it … your brain starts seeking out all of these validations and things that nudge you towards that good day, or to recognize that it is a good day versus mornings. ”

2024 has been a rough one:  we lost our mom in January, our dad in April, and their place of business was sold last week.  There is much to be sad about, for sure… and perhaps is at the root of my low energy these days.  However, my siblings and I are choosing to focus on the many blessings that have come our way.  One such blessing occurred two weeks ago today.

Singer/Songwriter Roots musician, Chris Vallillo, placed our eyes on a beautiful tribute to our parents and their business of 40 years.  He selflessly agreed to perform for two hours on the final night of the Corner Tap.

He wove stories of days past between every song, he focused heavily on the Reed’s Pizza/Corner Tap family, and on the community of West Point.  He took our eyes off of things (right, Katie?!) and placed them on relationships through beautiful music and storytelling.

We are blessed beyond measure to have had 77 and 78 years with our parents.  We are blessed beyond measure to have been able to spend extra time with them the last year-and-a-half.  We are blessed beyond measure to have children who miss, appreciate, and honor those parents/grandparents.  We are blessed beyond measure to pass the legacy of the Corner Tap on to new owners:  Wendy, Tim, and Marvin.  Where we place our eyes is what we will always see.